The evening of January 8th, I was in the living room watching some mindless TV. There were some football playoff games going on, but I wasn’t watching the games that night. However, with my iPad nearby, I was on Facebook. I was staying updated with my friends who were posting frequently, and it seemed more and more posts were being made about the Broncos/Steelers game. They were being cheered on with vigor! At one point, I heard loud screams, groans and pounding… I live in an apartment building and didn’t know what had happened exactly, but I figured someone made a huge play. Turns out, I was right.
The Denver Broncos were in a heated battle with the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the wildcard game for the playoffs. It was tied at the end of the fourth, and Denver won the coin toss, so they had first possession in overtime. The ball was snapped. Tim Tebow throws an 80-yeard touchdown pass to Demaryius Thomas and wins the game in 13 seconds. Huge play. Huge win. Denver fans were going nuts; and posting about the hero, Tim Tebow, on Facebook.
Something about this whole scenario starts to bother me. My friends, who love me, are cheering on, rooting for and totally supporting Tim Tebow. Why was that bothering me? The little knowledge I have about Tebow is that he supports the very anti-gay organization “Focus on the Family”. A voice inside me says, “How can my friends support him, when he judges and hates who I am (being a gay man)?” There seemed to be a conflict; something wasn’t congruent. I decided to make my own statement on Facebook, and this is what I wrote:
Tebow might be able to pull it off by the skin of his teeth, but let’s not forget… he is filled with judgmental hatred in the name of God. Who he chooses to be, is of much greater cause for sorrow, than the cause of celebration for what he does.
Here is the full Facebook exchange (click to enlarge)
I knew as I wrote, this would kick up some dust, and ruffle some feathers. I did it on purpose. I knew it was embedded with controversy and strong feeling. After all, not only was my language inflammatory, but I was attacking the guy everyone had just placed on their “hero pedestals”, so my timing was horrible (or perfect, depending on how you look at it).
I encourage you to take a look at the entire dialogue by clicking on the image to the right. It’s pretty interesting… at least it was to me. You’ll notice that I was called out immediately by one of my friends for being just at judgmental and hateful. I didn’t deny it. And the shit had hit the fan.
I usually don’t think too much about Facebook posts. But my comment on Tim Tebow and the following exchange was on my mind the entire night, and the entire next day. We’re talking 36+ hours of mental dialogue regarding a Facebook post. But, this wasn’t just any Facebook post… this was a post that exposed a part of me that deserved investigation. And I started asking myself questions. One of my core principles is that I am impeccable with my word at all times, in everything I say, whether it be major, minor, big, little, doesn’t matter. It’s important to me to be congruent with my belief systems and live in alignment with who I want to be. I demand of myself to always be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. And over this 36+ hour period of time, I realized something…
The conflict and incongruence I had felt when my friends were posting supportive comments about Tebow was just about me! I was projecting on my friends my own unresolved and untested belief system. I realized, I had an opportunity to learn a huge lesson.
I was projecting on my friends my own unresolved and untested belief system.
The Lessons
I expect people to allow me to believe what I want. That doesn’t mean they have to accept it, agree with it, or support it. We can even have a spirited debate about it, but in the end I do expect people to allow me to believe it, without being judged. And here I was, not only criticizing Tim Tebow for his beliefs, but actually judging he himself. My Facebook post was incongruent with what I believe and who I want to be. When your actions are incongruent with who you really want to be chaos always erupts.
I also realized that I really didn’t know Tim Tebow’s record very well. In the research I did on he, his family and his record of faith, he was actually raised in a very similar fashion to how I was raised – ultra conservative Christian. He was home schooled. His parents were very protective. His entire world was nothing but ultra conservative Christian. When you’re raised that way, sometimes it takes some time to experience the rest of the world and see that it’s not always how it’s portrayed under such shelter. I get that. The guy has hardly experienced life outside his parents’ protective care. Furthermore, as my research continued, I came to learn that he really isn’t very vocal about his specific beliefs. He won’t even discuss the issue of gay marriage with the press. It’s off limits. He keeps those kinds of beliefs to himself, it seems. Yes, he did the pro-life spot during the 2010 Superbowl, but even that was pretty tame. Sure it was in support of the pro-life and anti-gay organization “Focus on the Family”, but I have to admit, the spot itself was very reasonable. What Tim Tebow insists on doing is maintaining his relationship with Christ. He loves Jesus more than anything else in the world, so he says. And he has publicly admitted to being unapologetic about his love of Christ. He says he’s going to talk about Jesus and share his love at every opportunity. And you know what? Good for him. I don’t want anyone telling me I shouldn’t talk about what I believe, so why was I condemning him for talking about what he believes? I commented in the Facebook dialogue, “I do believe, however, that what we choose to believe matters. It matters to the collective consciousness of our society. This is exponentially truer when you’re a celebrity, and your views are spread much further.” I stand by this, we are responsible for our beliefs, but it doesn’t warrant us attacking each other over it. That’s not who I want to be. I stepped out of alignment with that. When your actions are incongruent with who you really want to be chaos always erupts – sometimes, that chaos is simply internal, but it’s chaos none-the-less.
Lastly, I was challenged regarding the concept of his beliefs hurting, judging and condemning people. Is my lack of opposing action actually demonstrative support? And one of my friends even blogged about how Tim Tebow has inspired her little boys and they are looking up to him now. If I don’t take a stand against his beliefs, what if his influence causes them to believe the way he does? There are a couple big lessons, clarifications and reinforcements of my own belief systems here, some of which may not be fully understood, accepted or embraced by others. But that’s okay. A core belief of mine is that our purpose here is to be Who We Are to the best of our ability. I do not believe in traditional definitions of a “wrong” and “right” way to be. I believe we are all part of the One, and there are purposeful diametrical forces throughout creation, including people, thoughts and beliefs. Maybe even more importantly, although this is a tough one to keep a handle on, I believe we are best served staying in our own business; staying focused on Who We Are, and being responsible for that. Tim Tebow’s beliefs being harmful to anyone… I don’t know that to be absolutely true. And even if it is, I’m not responsible for his beliefs. Nor am I responsible to prevent others from hearing, reviewing, testing nor even accepting his beliefs. I can make a statement about my beliefs, but making a statement about his just simply isn’t staying in my business. Making a statement about his beliefs leads me to become exactly the person I used to be – one that I wish to avoid, namely a judgmental, critical and condemning person. I don’t want to be that. But I was when I made my Facebook post. When your actions are incongruent with who you really want to be chaos always erupts – sometimes, that chaos is simply internal, but it’s chaos none-the-less. Here I am four days later, still thinking about that post. Chaos? You bet.
I’m so eternally grateful I posted what I did. It gave me such an amazing opportunity to test my own beliefs, determine if I really believe them enough to live in alignment with them, and really challenge myself on some tough issues that help to define Who I Am.
Congratulations goes out to Mr. Tebow. That dude can pull a win out of nowhere. A lot of people question his talent, but one thing has been said many many times recently… that was one of the best games in the history of football playoff games and will not soon be forgotten.
